Friday, June 27, 2008

Ahh yet again

This is me procrastinating.
I was doing so well.
I finished 18 report cards in 8 hours today -
and I even took a lunch break.

Now I'm at home.
It is the wee hours of the morning.
I have accomplished 2 in a very looong period of time.

But I'd like to have 4 or fewer to go in the morning.
I was not feeling negative pressure at 4 pm when I stopped.
I am starting to feel like this is not as great as I felt it was earlier today.

By this time tomorrow I will have finished report cards.
I will have moved my classroom.
I will have finished all the other things on my year end checklist that need to be done.
I will also have watched the Bombers home opener.

Somehow that seems better than this.
Back to it.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'm Humbled

I guess I forget sometimes
that honesty and integrity matter.
Maybe forget is the wrong word.
It just seems like it takes a lot of work.
And is everyone else really working at it?
I get upset at needing to communicate when it means confrontation.

I'm not sure why I get so self-pitying about it.
It's funny (as in ironic - not funny haha)
that Satan totally nudges us to not want to do the right thing.
More out of selfish pity than anything else.

And yet, my head and my heart are drawn to it.
That's a God thing.
Not a me-thing.
But it's good.
And even better when I actually listen to the nudges.
Even when it's difficult.
I know that the results are worth it.
Long term, anyway.
That I can attest to.
It just feels like work.
And it is.

But I am humbled as I am reminded that God has called me to each moment of confronting in love. And my obedience allows Him to work in a way that others can see Him. I forget that He uses me. And I forget that He really does know all of the details before I even know the beginning.
He is good.
And He is alive and at work.

May we be faithful servants
so that the Master can do His work.

Monday, June 09, 2008

When Sleep Comes Later...

Someone asked me today if my night would be okay.
And I told them that I would be distracted.
Meaning that I would procrastinate with every other possible task
before coming to terms with the work that I really need to complete.
And truth be told,
I got a few things done that needed to be.
And I did a lot of procrastinating.
But I guess that's the way I process.
And I know that about myself.
If I hadn't promised my kids I'd give their tests back
I may have just turned in early
and tried to turn off my brain awhile.

My brain turned off for the most part.
I am almost done the tests.
But my brain has turned itself back on.
I think music does that to me sometimes.
It lets me shut down,
but it also breaks me down and leaves me wide open.

What does living in community really look like?
And Christian community more specifically.
Does it mean honesty at all costs?
Does it mean holding people accountable even it seems that it won't change them?
Does it mean expressing how you feel even if the end result is the same?
Does it mean "sucking it up" because "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone?"
Does it mean that you stamp your feet every once in awhile,
even if it seems a little childish?

Is that really what it takes?
And why can't it just be simple sometimes?
Like why do integrity and respect need to be so difficult?

I finally loaded up my iTunes and played a song that for some reason unbeknownst to me has been in my head all weekend.
And I was reminded me that God speaks to me through music.
I guess there's a reason this blog got the name it did.
And the reason I've been singing the same words over and over.
(Only interrupted by a curious rendition of "Darling, Save the Last Dance for Me."

Point being -
"All of Him is more than enough for me."
(That was the song).
I think it still means I need to follow a few of the above.
Maybe a combination of some honesty,
some accountability,
some sucking it up,
and probably even some, "You need to know that hurt."

But I'm also reminded that Mr. Beaver was right.
"Safe? Who said anything about safe?
'Course He isn't safe. But He's good."

"The Lord gives strength to His people;
The Lord blesses His people with peace."