A foothold...

The truth is that it's time for a quick cat nap before leaving for Holland for a week.

The other truth is that I've been confronted by this concept of needing to be able to offer grace.
My own need for grace and the incredible gift of grace that I've been given has recently been played out in front of me quite blatantly.
And a number of times.
There may be a good reason.
It is engaged in a serious battle with my own ability to offer grace.
Somehow there is a big part of me that just can't.
It sounds ridiculous when I go over it in my head.
But part of my heart just isn't there.

I've been promised grace and forgiveness.
However, my need to extend that grace in return is crucial.
And I'm stopped in my tracks.
I can't.
I can pretend.
But my heart isn't there.
And so really,
I'm not sure that's grace at all.
And if I can't offer it,
why should it be offered to me?

I know the right answer to that question.
But that right answer is in my head.
And although that's a start,
it's not where that answer needs to be.

It's not an easy one.
But a tough reality.
And it humbles me
More than I like to be humbled.

It gets to the heart of what grace is really all about.
And it gets to my heart.
And it reminds me how skewed and selfish I am.
And stubborn.

And thus, in need of grace.
I just can't.
Not on my own.

I'm going to need a little help
to not make that foothold so easy.