Out!

This will be short. It has been a full day and I’m tired.

However, I was discharged today and got to spend the evening playing cards and visiting with my family.

I’m not moving quickly, but I’m moving and we are on the road to recovery. 

God is good. 

And we are thankful.

In Sickness and in Health…

Thank you for all the wonderfully encouraging words and for all the prayers that have been offered for me and for my family; over the last weeks, and specifically for today.

I am so glad that God’s got this. 

Surgery is complete.

The surgeon said it went well and so we are on the way to recovery. 

I had a great nurse at check-in this morning.

The IV was successful on the first try.

My girls were in the most excellent hands.

And I think we’re figuring out a bit of a balance between pain meds and nausea. 

Not the best day of my life, but also with only 1 possible“best” day, it’s tough competition. 😏

I did my best to offer Ken the opportunity to fulfill some of our marriage vows today as we celebrated our anniversary. 

He sat beside me all day, offered me sips of water, ate the hospital food I couldn’t stomach, helped with temperature control, and pretty much did whatever I asked of him. 

“In sickness and in health” isn’t the glamorous part…

but it is the steadfast, loyal expression of love that I am so grateful for - every day - but today in particular.

This was supposed to be a surgery update, but turned into a public anniversary card. 

Sorry.

You get what you get. 

Alternate Reality

It's been a week - and while nothing has changed in the pre-op plans or medical updates, it would be unfair to report nothing when I've said that I would.

One more pre-op on Tuesday and then surgery on Friday. 

Less than a week to go. 

We are spending time with family and some friends - and in some ways nothing about the cancer seems real.

Catching up on life, watching the girls play and laugh and reconnect after another year. 

Escaping escape rooms and drinking coffee upon coffee while picking up after time gone by.

One of my girls voiced what Ken and I had already been talking about the other night - 

"I don't want to leave. 

Then we have to start thinking about cancer and surgery and you." 
And she's not wrong. 

Mostly, I feel pretty good.  

Mostly, there is nothing different about the last 2 weeks of this summer compared to previous summers.

Mostly, we're enjoying staying up late, sleeping in, eating summer snacks, and swimming at the lake.

Mostly.

There are the days when tears come quickly. 

There are moments my body reminds me it isn't well.

There are comments and questions that people wouldn't ask if it wasn't real.

But it is.

And as much as we don't really want to start thinking about 

cancer and surgery and all that other stuff, 

we also want it out.

And in order to get past it, 

we first have to work through it.

And we are thankful,

so very thankful,

that we don't have to work through it alone.

Write This Down!

Sometimes we need reminders.

Sometimes I need reminders.

Like 5 screens worth of alarms on my phone.

A calendar that is linked with work, home, and Ken - all full of reminders of things we need to do or places we need to be. 

As I work my way through pre-op appointments, I have sometimes felt the repetition. What meds are you taking, what are your allergies, have you had previous surgeries? 

But I know they ask to be sure; to confirm and double check. You would hate for something to get missed. 

There is repetition in other places. I have told my story a few times in the last month. ;) 

Trying to keep people updated. 

Trying to remind myself of the truth that one-day-at-a-time is much better for my mental heath than jumping ahead to the what-ifs and yeah-buts. 

I am thankful for the little encouragements along the way. For people who step in and affirm the truths that I see in my good moments and know in my heart but struggle to find in the hard moments. 

With that, 3 pre-ops down, 2 to go. Surgery in 2 weeks. 

I have been given a lot of information. Sometimes knowing a lot is good. Sometimes it's hard. But I also know that I need to process and so having information for me is usually helpful. 

As long as I also remember the truth of what I know. 

One of my favourite verses has always been Revelation 21:5, which reads: "He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

While I believe wholeheartedly in the first part, it's not actually my favourite part.

I like the part that gets at my human-ness - "Write this down!" 

Why? "Because these words are trustworthy and true."

Because in my worries and feeling overwhelmed, I forget.

Because in my world of information and details and other people who also have information and details, I get drawn into more than I can handle. I get pulled into thinking it's on me. Thinking it's all on the date the surgeon picked. Thinking it's all on what symptoms I'm feeling or not feeling. Thinking that I somehow have control of something that is out of my hands. 

God has the details. 

He clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds of the air. 

He didn't say, "Write this down," in Matthew 6, but He could have. Because those words are also trustworthy and true. 

Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.