This will be short. It has been a full day and I’m tired.
However, I was discharged today and got to spend the evening playing cards and visiting with my family.
I’m not moving quickly, but I’m moving and we are on the road to recovery.
God is good.
And we are thankful.
Thank you for all the wonderfully encouraging words and for all the prayers that have been offered for me and for my family; over the last weeks, and specifically for today.
I am so glad that God’s got this.
Surgery is complete.
The surgeon said it went well and so we are on the way to recovery.
He sat beside me all day, offered me sips of water, ate the hospital food I couldn’t stomach, helped with temperature control, and pretty much did whatever I asked of him.
It's been a week - and while nothing has changed in the pre-op plans or medical updates, it would be unfair to report nothing when I've said that I would.
One more pre-op on Tuesday and then surgery on Friday.
Less than a week to go.
One of my girls voiced what Ken and I had already been talking about the other night -
Sometimes we need reminders.
Sometimes I need reminders.
Like 5 screens worth of alarms on my phone.
A calendar that is linked with work, home, and Ken - all full of reminders of things we need to do or places we need to be.
As I work my way through pre-op appointments, I have sometimes felt the repetition. What meds are you taking, what are your allergies, have you had previous surgeries?
But I know they ask to be sure; to confirm and double check. You would hate for something to get missed.
There is repetition in other places. I have told my story a few times in the last month. ;)
Trying to keep people updated.
Trying to remind myself of the truth that one-day-at-a-time is much better for my mental heath than jumping ahead to the what-ifs and yeah-buts.
I am thankful for the little encouragements along the way. For people who step in and affirm the truths that I see in my good moments and know in my heart but struggle to find in the hard moments.
With that, 3 pre-ops down, 2 to go. Surgery in 2 weeks.
I have been given a lot of information. Sometimes knowing a lot is good. Sometimes it's hard. But I also know that I need to process and so having information for me is usually helpful.
As long as I also remember the truth of what I know.
One of my favourite verses has always been Revelation 21:5, which reads: "He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
While I believe wholeheartedly in the first part, it's not actually my favourite part.
I like the part that gets at my human-ness - "Write this down!"
Why? "Because these words are trustworthy and true."
Because in my worries and feeling overwhelmed, I forget.
Because in my world of information and details and other people who also have information and details, I get drawn into more than I can handle. I get pulled into thinking it's on me. Thinking it's all on the date the surgeon picked. Thinking it's all on what symptoms I'm feeling or not feeling. Thinking that I somehow have control of something that is out of my hands.
God has the details.
He clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds of the air.
He didn't say, "Write this down," in Matthew 6, but He could have. Because those words are also trustworthy and true.
Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
It has already been a week - and yet it seems like a long time since I posted last.
The first couple of weeks were full of ups and downs; updates and appts.
Now that there is a plan, things have slowed down a bit, and for that I am thankful.
There is still lots to anticipate and be anxious about, but it seems we have the information we need for now and are actually able to make a few plans that are more typical for the first week of July.
Pre-op dates are set. We thought there would be 1 pre-op appointment, but it turns out there are 5. Thankfully, we received dates for all of them within a day of each other.
The first office sent 4 dates - all of which they set-up as phone appointments when they realized we do not live in Edmonton. That is an amazing gift!
The second office called and asked when we wanted to come in - it could be any time between now and the surgery date. I asked for it not to be right in the middle, but closer to now or closer to then. She offered early this week. So, that is my only trip to Edmonton between now and surgery. Another reason to be thankful.
The rest of the visits are spread out over the next 2 weeks, but all over the phone. With that as an option, we are still able to connect with some family pre-surgery and fit in some cousin time for our kids. And although it seems like another planning-life-a-day-at-a-time event, it hopefully allows for some "normal" summer time activities, too.
That's all for now.
I posted last time that our surgeon said he wanted surgery in early July and that he didn't want to wait longer.
And so we went through the overwhelm of realizing how quick that was - and trying to remind ourselves of how amazing it was that we were going to be able to get in for surgery much sooner than the initial 4 month estimate we had been given.
On Friday, we heard that it will be 2 weeks later than we thought - mid-July - which is still amazingly quick compared to so many others who I know wait a much longer time than this.
It's amazing how what seemed overwhelming and impossible to accept and be grateful for on Monday, became something so disappointing to have changed by Friday. Suddenly I found myself fighting hard to be grateful for a firm date that is still only 6 weeks after we found out about all of this.
2 weeks later is only 2 more weeks.
But it changes plans and dates and expectations and ideas about what our "new" summer plans might look like. It changes ideas about things spreading or not spreading, and it asks us once again to take a step back and look at the big picture.
The call from the surgeon's office followed communication earlier that day with our travel agent.
Ken had initiated a conversation with her earlier that day about how to go about canceling our Zambia tickets; what steps we had to take with insurance, how much we might actually get back, etc.
As God working in the details would have it, 20 minutes before reaching out to the travel agent, Ken had received an email from the airlines we had booked with saying there was a change to the itinerary. He deleted it - why would he need to know about an itinerary update for flights we were canceling?
What he missed in deleting the email is what our travel agent filled him in on shortly afterward.
The itinerary change was big - over 8 hours different - and so, unbeknownst to us, but thankfully known to her, was that means we can cancel our trip without penalties because the new schedule doesn't work for us.
Coincidence? I don't think so.
And so our jaws had dropped at God's timing; at how He is working in the little details and giving us this gracious gift of a full refund on our trip plans.
An hour later, the surgeon's office called to let us know our surgery date.
Which was not the date we had expected.
Which was longer than the surgeon wanted to wait.
Which was an answer to prayer for allowing me to finish out the year with my students.
Which was more the timing we had initially thought - even if our 5-day-old plans had gotten us fixed on something else.
How easy it was to celebrate God's timing and His working in the details with awe and gratitude when it worked out better than we had expected!
How hard it was to accept God's timing and His working in the details with awe and gratitude when it changed what we had our hearts set on; when our plans were not the same as His.
The trouble is that God's timing and working in the details are just as real in itinerary changes with airlines as they are in scheduling changes with hospitals and surgeons.
There are other people who have also been anticipating surgery on the dates we thought we might have, who have also been waiting, and who are also afraid and wondering what's next or how things will go.
And so the trouble isn't really trouble at all - unless I take my eyes off of what I know to be true.
The trouble is actually that it's hard to trust sometimes.
It's hard to let go of control and to live what I believe when I say that God is faithful; that He holds the details in His hands; that He holds me and us in the grip of His hand.
He does. And for that I am thankful.
I am reminded again that He provides what we need for each day.
"Give us this day our daily bread."
Seems cliche, but also, I need a starting point.
My grade 3's are working on narratives and ensuring we catch the reader's attention from the start.
So, let's start with The Ugly.
The bruises on my arm from the attempts at an IV site last week are ugly.
But, on the bright side, they are less ugly than yesterday.
Healing is taking place, and hopefully they'll be gone by the time I get new ones.
The Good...
We were able to meet with the surgeon today.
He was running ahead of schedule and we were brought in 20 minutes early.
He is hoping to do the surgery in early July.
He wants the cancer out as soon as possible and while it is still contained.
This is a huge answer to prayer.
He was kind and thorough and gave us as much information as I think he could with what he knows and has seen.
His team will work with me pre-op to figure out details of diabetes management during surgery and early recovery.
The Bad...
While in our minds, we knew our trip to Zambia was out, it is officially off the table as recovery is, at best, 6-8 weeks.
He also had to tell us all the possibilities of things that might not go as planned - which is good - but also makes my brain live in more of full-time-adult mode instead of allowing it to rest in faith-like-a-child mode.
Pre-op might already happen before the end of the school year. I want to spend the last few days of school with "my kids". Those days are precious. I don't want to miss them and have a sub there in my place. Even if I have a great sub.
It is an estimated 6-8 days in hospital following surgery.
That's a long time for our family to not all be under one roof when stressful stuff is going on.
There will likely be chemo to follow. Which is probably good, but also comes with a lot more unknowns, and I feel like we have enough of those right now. That being said, our doctor satisfied our questions and helped us work through some details.
There are lots of other things that my brain is spinning on tonight, but for now, that's the update.
We are thankful for all the great people loving on us and our kids.
We are thankful for amazing answers to prayer and doctors that care.
We are thankful for people that reach out, even if we don't give great answers for now.
Time for some report cards. They are not finished yet.
Believe it or not, I haven't been able to focus on those the last week. :)
God is faithful and will provide for this, too.
