We're Flying!

I started writing this the other day, but had no inspiration.

It was kind of like writing report cards early. 

It just doesn't work. 

Ha.

Although it's not early - my appointment with the surgeon was last Wednesday already.

And things continue to look good.

Stitches are out. 

Not much else required - although we're still steri-stripping -

Except taking things slowly and not lifting. 

We were given the okay to fly!

We still had/have our last-leg-of-the-journey tickets; 

we didn't want to cancel them if there was any chance we could use them.

And the surgeon said we are good to go.

So new "getting-there" tickets have been purchased

and we are going to take in the tail-end of our summer trip.

Traveling days will be long.

My body tells me if I've been on my feet too much,

And we're still keeping lifting and reaching to a minimum,

But we're heading out!

And, once again, thankful. 

I was rereading an email that a colleague sent me the week before my surgery - 

They were praying that "everything that needed to be removed would be done so accurately and fully, that it is all contained with no farther spread, and that the next steps and recovery process would be a cakewalk."

And while "cakewalk" isn't exactly how I would describe all of the pieces along the way, 

God has never left me to feel like it was more than I could manage if I just trusted that He had this.

And I am humbly aware that this has been so much easier than it has been for so many others I know who have walked and are still walking a cancer journey. 

The piece that actually stuck with me, through all of this were the three words that followed the cakewalk:

"One can believe."

And I love so deeply that others believed this for us.

And held us in prayer,

And reminded us of God's goodness and His faithfulness.

Sometimes in the middle of it all, it's hard to believe.

It's a lot easier to be a realist, to be practical, maybe a little cyncial, too - 

Even if I know and knew deep down that there was hope for things to go this well. 

In my head and my heart, I couldn't look ahead. 

I couldn't anticipate or imagine. 

I simply had to trust that God had the details for today.

I know I've said it before, but there really was peace there.

A peace that might have made it hard for others to know what to say 

or how to process when I was trying really hard not to.

Which leads me again to simply be thankful.

Thankful for words and truths that were taught to me long ago,

And which have been embedded deeply into who I am.

"I am weak, but You are mighty; hold me with Your powerful hand.

Bread of Heaven...feed me now and evermore..."

Keeping on, keeping on....

It's been a week (or more!) with little to share.

Today is supposed to be suture removal day, but we are going to leave them in for 5 extra days until I see the surgeon in Edmonton next week. 

The part of the incision that re-opened doesn't look beautiful, but most of it is healing. 

There are a few spots that an extra stitch might have been helpful, but I have been reassured by a valued medically - wise friend that it should heal up properly in time.

As a result, I'm still not doing a lot. 

Every twist or bend pulls a little and extends the healing time that much more. 

So, feeling pretty good.

But still limited in reaching and bending.

Which some days doesn't matter much, but other days, I realize that I still need support staff for a lot of regular things.

We're getting there and trying to be patient.

I am thankful for these slow, summer days, 

where having two drivers isn't a necessity;

where being out and about is nice, but not required;

where spending time at home with my family is very doable and time that I maybe wouldn't otherwise spend;

where friends can stop by and check-in;

and where God's faithfulness is in the steady, everyday moments of taking care of each other and having each other to take care of;

of doing the best with the opportunities we have;

in the continued provision of all that we need;

and in having the time required for rest and healing to take place.

Still going and getting there -

one day at a time.

Two in Two Days!

Two in two days must mean something good...
And it does!

I just got off the phone with Central Alberta Cancer Care Centre.

They let me know that there is no reason for me to come in to see them as they won't be doing chemo.

They met with their team and went over my file.

All follow-up will take place between my surgeon and family practitioner.

That is a huge answer to prayer.

And an anticipated fall of healing and taking some time to enjoy my family differently than I've been able to in the last few weeks, 

and differently than I will be able to in the coming weeks as I let my abdomen heal.

God is good!

He would still be good even if this wasn't the answer to prayer we received.

But I am thankful all the same.

And I am humbled that He has chosen to answer us with so many yeses. 

We also heard from the surgeon this morning following our Monday night stress.

Sutures will stay in a little longer than usual and he will take them out when I see him for follow-up in a couple of weeks. 

In the meantime, no bending. 

Ha.

I will do my best.

Follow-Up to Monday's Appt

It's been quite a week, it seems, but I realize it's only Wednesday.

Monday afternoon we packed up in anticipation of coming home following the appointment with the surgeon - and our visit did not disappoint.

Lab results came back from what the surgeon had taken out.

He confirmed that it is/was stage 2 - essentially meaning that it was fully contained where it was;

Lymph nodes - clear, 

cells on either side of the tumour - clear, 

no other signs of spreading. 

It is amazing news. 

We are so thankful for all of the prayers that have been offered on our behalf. 

And so thankful that God has been merciful.

Thankful for all the medical staff who have helped along the way.

And for the people who have carried and continue to carry all of this with us.

We were told that chemo is not usually done for stage 2 cancer, although because of my age, I may still have some. 

A referral has been sent to an oncologist and we anticipate hearing a final word on that in the weeks ahead.

But for now, a very hopeful and positive outcome.

God has been very gracious.

Staples were removed and we headed back to Rocky Mountain House breathing huge sighs of relief.

It's funny. 

There was relief.

But also a different kind of apprehension. 

I texted a few people that evening to pass on our news, and said with a laughing emoji,

"Moving a little extra cautiously as I'm not as convinced as he is that everything is going to stay shut."

And I was.

Moving cautiously and slowly. 

Just before bed, I was sitting down and leaned forward slightly, when my incision re-opened.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't traumatized a little.

There's a reason this update didn't come sooner. 

Everything that felt so sure, was suddenly unsure and out of my control.

I'm no expert on closing major abdominal wounds. 

We did our best and then visited the ER to get things re-stitched together.

And I've been moving a lot more slowly.

And feeling a lot more anxious.

And where before I was ready to try things and to figure out the right way to move to ensure I could still do as many things as I could without asking for help,

I have become very okay with asking for help and staying in place; lying down as much as possible and giving all those torn cells as much time and space as I can for them to re-heal.

And it's not that I don't know it will heal.

It's not that I don't trust that God is bigger than this set-back.

But when things feel fragile, it takes over a little.

And sometimes I need a push to get back on the Thankful-Train instead of hanging out on Stress-Street.

I'm thankful that we were at home when it happened and not driving down Highway 2.

I'm thankful that the ER wasn't busy and that I could be seen right away and stitched back together.

I'm thankful that we knew the nurse that evening, who helped us feel well taken care of.

I'm thankful for friends who could be called after the hours where people usually make phone calls and show up ready to care for our girls who were a little worried after waving their mom off in an ambulance.

I'm thankful for Ken being home these days, ready and willing to do all the things. 

So many things.

And for texts and cards and quilts and meals and riddles and little painted R-pods that remind me that we are loved and not alone.

God is ever-present and keeps showing up in all the people who cross our path as His hands and feet.

I'm thankful for girls who love Lego and reading books and who are trying to have some "normal" summer days in spite of all the extra this time around.

I'm thankful for a daughter who is an expressive reader who read to me on the couch all afternoon today.

My brother said to me last week, "You have good people." 

And he is so right.

So, even though we've had a little set-back,

And I'm moving much more slowly again,

We continue to be on the way to recovery, one day at a time.

Trusting that God who has known all the details up until now, knew about this part of the journey, too.

Celebrations and Humble Thanks

We have been spending some time with my family for the last few days,

in anticipation of celebrating my parents' 50th wedding anniversary this weekend.

Tonight we celebrated with dinner as a family - made a few things on our own, picked a few things up, and enjoyed my brother's BBQ'ing skills at home. 

It allowed us to just spend some more time together, looking at pictures, telling stories, laughing, and celebrating the gift of family and 50 years of marriage.

Some more celebrating with friends is yet to come.

It has been so very good to spend time with family instead of on my own at the hospital - feeling like I was pulling Ken away from our girls, but also needing him to be there with me. 

I'm still not moving quickly, but it's more okay if there is time between pain pills.

I can't reach all of the things, but I can reach lots of them.

My girls inspect my staples each night - we're trying to make that as normal as possible. 

They're pretty sure it's gross to have staples in your abdomen, 

but also, it's pretty amazing that God made our bodies to heal the way they do. 

It's coming along.

I baked today. 

Not entirely on my own, but there were hands ready to help where needed and it just made me feel a little more like myself again. 

We have a visit Monday with the surgeon to get the staples removed.

Hopefully, we'll also have a better idea of further referrals at that point.

Continued thanks for all the prayers and encouragement we are receiving. 

We are humbled.

And so very thankful.

Out!

This will be short. It has been a full day and I’m tired.

However, I was discharged today and got to spend the evening playing cards and visiting with my family.

I’m not moving quickly, but I’m moving and we are on the road to recovery. 

God is good. 

And we are thankful.

In Sickness and in Health…

Thank you for all the wonderfully encouraging words and for all the prayers that have been offered for me and for my family; over the last weeks, and specifically for today.

I am so glad that God’s got this. 

Surgery is complete.

The surgeon said it went well and so we are on the way to recovery. 

I had a great nurse at check-in this morning.

The IV was successful on the first try.

My girls were in the most excellent hands.

And I think we’re figuring out a bit of a balance between pain meds and nausea. 

Not the best day of my life, but also with only 1 possible“best” day, it’s tough competition. 😏

I did my best to offer Ken the opportunity to fulfill some of our marriage vows today as we celebrated our anniversary. 

He sat beside me all day, offered me sips of water, ate the hospital food I couldn’t stomach, helped with temperature control, and pretty much did whatever I asked of him. 

“In sickness and in health” isn’t the glamorous part…

but it is the steadfast, loyal expression of love that I am so grateful for - every day - but today in particular.

This was supposed to be a surgery update, but turned into a public anniversary card. 

Sorry.

You get what you get. 

Alternate Reality

It's been a week - and while nothing has changed in the pre-op plans or medical updates, it would be unfair to report nothing when I've said that I would.

One more pre-op on Tuesday and then surgery on Friday. 

Less than a week to go. 

We are spending time with family and some friends - and in some ways nothing about the cancer seems real.

Catching up on life, watching the girls play and laugh and reconnect after another year. 

Escaping escape rooms and drinking coffee upon coffee while picking up after time gone by.

One of my girls voiced what Ken and I had already been talking about the other night - 

"I don't want to leave. 

Then we have to start thinking about cancer and surgery and you." 
And she's not wrong. 

Mostly, I feel pretty good.  

Mostly, there is nothing different about the last 2 weeks of this summer compared to previous summers.

Mostly, we're enjoying staying up late, sleeping in, eating summer snacks, and swimming at the lake.

Mostly.

There are the days when tears come quickly. 

There are moments my body reminds me it isn't well.

There are comments and questions that people wouldn't ask if it wasn't real.

But it is.

And as much as we don't really want to start thinking about 

cancer and surgery and all that other stuff, 

we also want it out.

And in order to get past it, 

we first have to work through it.

And we are thankful,

so very thankful,

that we don't have to work through it alone.

Write This Down!

Sometimes we need reminders.

Sometimes I need reminders.

Like 5 screens worth of alarms on my phone.

A calendar that is linked with work, home, and Ken - all full of reminders of things we need to do or places we need to be. 

As I work my way through pre-op appointments, I have sometimes felt the repetition. What meds are you taking, what are your allergies, have you had previous surgeries? 

But I know they ask to be sure; to confirm and double check. You would hate for something to get missed. 

There is repetition in other places. I have told my story a few times in the last month. ;) 

Trying to keep people updated. 

Trying to remind myself of the truth that one-day-at-a-time is much better for my mental heath than jumping ahead to the what-ifs and yeah-buts. 

I am thankful for the little encouragements along the way. For people who step in and affirm the truths that I see in my good moments and know in my heart but struggle to find in the hard moments. 

With that, 3 pre-ops down, 2 to go. Surgery in 2 weeks. 

I have been given a lot of information. Sometimes knowing a lot is good. Sometimes it's hard. But I also know that I need to process and so having information for me is usually helpful. 

As long as I also remember the truth of what I know. 

One of my favourite verses has always been Revelation 21:5, which reads: "He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

While I believe wholeheartedly in the first part, it's not actually my favourite part.

I like the part that gets at my human-ness - "Write this down!" 

Why? "Because these words are trustworthy and true."

Because in my worries and feeling overwhelmed, I forget.

Because in my world of information and details and other people who also have information and details, I get drawn into more than I can handle. I get pulled into thinking it's on me. Thinking it's all on the date the surgeon picked. Thinking it's all on what symptoms I'm feeling or not feeling. Thinking that I somehow have control of something that is out of my hands. 

God has the details. 

He clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds of the air. 

He didn't say, "Write this down," in Matthew 6, but He could have. Because those words are also trustworthy and true. 

Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

Pre-Op Plans

 It has already been a week - and yet it seems like a long time since I posted last.

The first couple of weeks were full of ups and downs; updates and appts. 

Now that there is a plan, things have slowed down a bit, and for that I am thankful. 

There is still lots to anticipate and be anxious about, but it seems we have the information we need for now and are actually able to make a few plans that are more typical for the first week of July.

Pre-op dates are set. We thought there would be 1 pre-op appointment, but it turns out there are 5. Thankfully, we received dates for all of them within a day of each other. 

The first office sent 4 dates - all of which they set-up as phone appointments when they realized we do not live in Edmonton. That is an amazing gift! 

The second office called and asked when we wanted to come in - it could be any time between now and the surgery date. I asked for it not to be right in the middle, but closer to now or closer to then. She offered early this week. So, that is my only trip to Edmonton between now and surgery. Another reason to be thankful.

The rest of the visits are spread out over the next 2 weeks, but all over the phone. With that as an option, we are still able to connect with some family pre-surgery and fit in some cousin time for our kids. And although it seems like another planning-life-a-day-at-a-time event, it hopefully allows for some "normal" summer time activities, too.

That's all for now.