Eloi, Eloi...

My head has been a few places in the last while.
My heart, too.

I was at a concert tonight and must confess to not really listening at all.
It was loud enough that I could tune out the world around me and just focus inside my own head,
which, to be truthful,
has been a difficult task as of late.

I was challenged yesterday to discover and get to know the heart of God.
And the fourth song the band played tonight (the first one I knew) had a repetitive chorus of "I want to fall in love with You."
A song of intense desire to truly know and love our Creator.

And suddenly I was in my own world.
Asking questions of myself.
Falling in love involves coming to really know and understand the heart of someone else.
And in this case,
coming to know and understand,
as far as is humanly possible,
the heart of God.

How does He hurt when we, His delicate creations, hurt ourselves?
How does He hurt when we simply can't hold onto the truth that He loves us enough to have watched and allowed His son die in our place?
How does He hurt when for lack of words and understanding we settle into robot mode, acknowledging that He is taking care of both our most significant and insignificant needs, but forgetting to thank Him for His grace and for His faithfulness in doing so?

If I look into the heart of God,
I see a Father who loves us so much He lets us go...
only to have us hurt Him in return.

And then I see His faithfulness.
In spite of every other detail.
In spite of my failure to look outside of me.
In spite of His hurt, His sadness,
He looks down on me and says,
"You still need my love.
Even though you hurt me.
Even though you don't believe I am enough.
Even though I want you to turn to me first - not after everyone else.

But because I love you,
I will provide for you friends -
who act in my name.
Who walk alongside you.
Who listen to you.
Who offer comfort and prayer.
Who remind you to hope.
And to trust.
And to be still and know
that I am God.
I am your God."

Eloi, Eloi, lama NOT sabachthani?

Because You have promised,
and are faithful.